I\u2019ve waited a few weeks for the dust to settle over the nude celebrity photo scandal because I wanted to see who the next casualty would be. You can never be too cautious, especially if you have nude photos of yourself floating around in cyberspace \u2014 and don\u2019t we all? It turns out anyone could be the next victim of the scandal that shocked the nation, when some crazed hacker got into the personal files of more than 100 celebrities and violated their privacy by posting racy photos online of everyone from actress Jennifer Lawrence to supermodel Kate Upton and Mr. Ed. Then, the barbarian hordes began sharing them on Twitter, spreading them around the world. Now, no one is safe. Not even Homer Simpson and Barney Rubble. However, the FBI is on the case, which means we have nothing to fear but fear itself, not to mention the neighborhood geek hiding in his bedroom closet, waiting to hack your computer. Actually, hacking is an American institution that was invented by the FBI under J. Edgar Hoover even before we had computers. And although I don\u2019t have the notoriety of, say, Rin Tin Tin or Pee-Wee Herman, I want to be totally honest: There are nude photos of me out there. Perhaps the most damning is the one where I\u2019m lying buck naked on the table while my mother is changing my diaper, which is a pretty nasty sight, somewhat resembling the stables at Aqueduct after feeding time. Adding to the drama, there\u2019s a stream of pee cascading gracefully across the room and down the wall like the Trevi Fountain. A photo like that could end a guy\u2019s career if it wasn\u2019t over already. Or someone could blackmail me to get my collection of postcards of the Naugatuck River Valley. I\u2019ve already paid dearly. This was worse than a nude selfie. You see, I had no control over the camera because some wise guy \u2014 could it have been my father? \u2014 took the picture when I was incapacitated. I was a helpless infantile victim. That\u2019s a real invasion of privacy. What\u2019s this country coming to when a baby can\u2019t take a leak without some clown taking snapshots? Things got worse when the photo was digitized and stored online with several other compromising images, including my senior prom photo where I\u2019m wearing a tuxedo that has lapels wider than Dumbo\u2019s ears and a paisley tie that gave my girlfriend vertigo. Actually, that was one photo where it would have been better if I didn\u2019t have clothes on. Taking nude photos has become a national pastime, especially for people who want to get their names in supermarket tabloids. Some celebrities and celebrity wannabes get so carried away they have their own sex tapes, which they release through third parties. When you\u2019re a celebrity, it\u2019s perfectly acceptable to spend your day taking pictures of yourself, although some celebrities like actor Alec Baldwin go into an insane rage if a photographer approaches. Others, like Bruce Willis\u2019s daughter and the singer Rihanna, are angry because they can\u2019t share nude photos of themselves on social media. Of course, there are a lot of fake nude celebrity photos on the Internet because skilled technicians, working with PhotoShop on their high school laptops exercise their creative instincts by putting Kim Kardashian\u2019s head on Hugh Jackman\u2019s body, or maybe Hugh Jackman\u2019s head on Selena Gomez\u2019s body \u2014 and no can tell what\u2019s real and whawt\u2019s not. So, if you don\u2019t have any nude photos, you\u2019d better get some \u2014 even if they belong to Barney Rubble \u2014 because you don\u2019t want to be left out of the discussion the next time you\u2019re at a cocktail party. Why should celebrities have all the fun?