As a teenager growing up in the hills of Shelton, I was obsessed with driving a hot car and I mean a real muscle car like a Camaro, a Gran Torino or a Corvette. But unfortunately my ways and means didn’t match my aspirations and I usually found myself cruising around town in hand-me-down clunkers that burned oil and rattled from bumper to bumper.
Teenagers and men trapped in eternal adolescence have always believed hot cars attract chicks. But now, however, new scientific research shatters that theory, which existed since the ancient Romans raced around the Coliseum in flashy chariots, trying to pick up puellae. (For those of you who didn’t struggle through four years of Latin, that means “girls.”)